Don’t Be Fooled by the Cheshire Cat’s Smile

I am not really sure where to even start because it has been so long…far too long…since I have written in my blog. I honestly had resolved myself to giving up on my blog because I no longer wanted to write about my pain or my doctor’s appointments, or my test results…blah, blah, blah! While I was going through the bulk of my illness, I needed this blog because talking was physically too painful many days; it was just too exhausting, if truth be told, so I wrote instead. I just needed to get it all out, but now it’s different. While I am not in the throws of the torture that I was two years ago, I still suffer daily with chronic pain and fatigue, but I can manage it. I live with it, and I’m ok with it. It’s part of who I am at this point.

It has become easier to manage my illness mostly due to how I eat. If you recall, I wrote about starting the AIP elimination diet, and then choosing to live a Paleo lifestyle, and while that was probably one of the hardest things I ever did, both mentally and physically, it was a significant turning point for me.

So…now what am I supposed to write about? My life is so boring compared to many others. I am somewhat of a homebody and find going out too often makes things really difficult for me. The stress of too much stimuli manifests itself physically for me, so I find it not worth it, which means I don’t have any crazy, wild nightlife adventures to write about. I won’t be writing about getting drunk and tripping over myself on the dance floor!

My job is really fun to me, but I’m a little bit of a tech geek and the funniest part of my day is trying to tell someone what I did at work and watching their faces go blank because they have absolutely no clue what I’m talking about! So, I don’t usually talk about it anymore except to those I work with who do what I do and know more than what I know.

I guess I could write about my kiddo, but he’s 18 and at some point, I’m sure he will come across my blog and want to read it. He is a very private person and doesn’t spend much time on social media…I know what you’re thinking? He’s 18 and doesn’t like social media? Yup! You read that right! He tends to think social media makes people do and say stupid things, so he chooses not to pay attention. So….I’ll respect my kiddo’s wishes and allow him to remain private and not introduce him to the world wide web without his permission.

So, if you’re still with me, I’m going to ask for your patience while I try to pay closer attention to my life and figure out how to present it in a fashion that would be enjoyable to read. Here is my first attempt:

Allow me to provide a little background first. Yesterday, I drove down to McAllen, TX which is about a 5 hour drive from where I live. One of my very long time friends’ daughter graduated and was accepted into Brown University, so she had a graduation party for her. Of course, I was going to go! How could I not? My friend and I were pregnant at the same time; our babies were born 2 days apart; she was like a second baby to me! I made the trip down, but I had to come back the same day because I couldn’t find a substitute to teach my cute, little Primary class for church today. Needless to say, driving 10+ hours in one day is a little daunting, but I made sure to take several breaks. I would stop to get gas, even if I still had a half a tank; or I would find a place to get something to drink, etc. You get the point; I took a lot of breaks!

common sense

But during every single one of these stops, I noticed something for the first time that I have never saw before…or maybe I chose not to see it. Every time I stopped to make a purchase and stretch my legs, I kept getting this feeling like I was being watched. I got that sense even when I was face to face with the cashier(s). It was one of the most uncomfortable and odd feelings. I kept wondering if my dress was accidentally tucked into my underwear! I told my husband about it, to which he replies, “Honey, they’re ogling you”.  WHAT???? Why? Why in the world would they even be looking, let alone ogling? I’m almost 40 years old; I’m not a very interesting person; I can’t nor won’t put up with their shenanigans and I sure as hell won’t be joining them at the club on Saturday night? Then it dawns on me…only I know these things about myself. These people have no clue who I am other than what I look like, so I made a decision! I decided that I was going to smile at them like I was the cheshire cat because I know who I am and who I am not and THEY ARE CLUELESS! For some reason, this was quite amusing to me, and I spent several hours driving, thinking about it and couldn’t get the shit-eating grin off my face. In fact, it still makes me smirk.

cheshire cat


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